How Social Media Redefined the Self

by Cristina D’Alto

The best view our ancestors would have gotten of themselves was a murky reflection in the water. Are we as humans, then, really meant to look at ourselves so much? It’s this question that lies at the center of how social media has wrecked havoc on our concept of the self. 

Social media gave us the unnatural ability to actively monitor how we are perceived by others. Too often do I find myself stalking my own Instagram account, passively judging my presentation. I can even use likes and comments to quantify how successful I am at seeming cool, attractive, or interesting. My self is not just a thing that is; social media implies that it can be looked at, noticed, and judged. I think it is only natural, then, to pay more attention to what that means: what is the very best state in which I can be watched? And what a stressful reality that is! Living life is already hard enough; now, we must both get through every day and watch ourselves do so. Not only do we manage daily challenges, we micromanage our state of being while doing so. 

In looking at and tweaking how we are seen, we start to interact with our self as if it is some other entity. There is a sort of detachment between me — my consciousness who thinks and feels — and my ego — that person who the rest of the world can see. We thus have a damaging dynamic in which we learn that we are something to be carefully-curated. Such an understanding has become greatly amplified across social media platforms. On TikTok, it’s trends about being ‘that girl’ — some perfectly-square archetype. On Instagram, it’s developing a signature editing style to have a cohesive profile. With a sense of control over our self came the social consensus that we should fit some idealized version of a person. In this, pressure to be a certain way no longer comes only from peers or social constructs — it now comes from within. 

The self has become much more complex than a state of being. Through social media we are constantly reminded that we are being seen, snatching us out of the present moment and into a stressful spiral of how we might change that image. This experience of the self hurts our ability to live without concern for our appearance. We are conditioned to prioritize how we are perceived and consistently consider it with every move we make. After all, social media tells us that everyone else is already doing so. 

There isn’t an easy answer to how we can free ourselves from this hold. Society has changed and we have to change with it. But the first step is recognizing how we are treating ourselves and start to question it. What would you do if you didn’t feel obligated to watch yourself? Every piece of ourselves that we censor or judge is a piece lost, so I encourage you to notice what you want to hide and treasure it instead — even if you keep it to yourself. Don’t be shrunken down to a screen-sized version.