The fault in our resolutions

by Cristina D’Alto

Coming into the New Year, my social media feed has predictably filled with resolutions, cheers for a fresh start, and apparent rejuvenation. The problem with these positive declarations is a self-imposed pressure that comes with the norm of committing to a grand and ambitious goal. To fit in, we feel we should have a perfected, life-impacting plan. While hopeful, we fail to question what subjecting our mental health to impossible standards and teetering success might do. A need to transform ourselves or our lives hanging over our heads hardly sets up a peaceful transition into the next year. Instead of coming in with intention and the facility of closure, we begin a year with immense internal nagging to achieve something that almost inevitably comes with a soon failure. As you may have heard, research shows that 80% of resolutions fail. 

Reading Metahuman by Deepak Chopra is what really got me thinking about the issue with resolutions. He writes that “You can accept how fleeting every experience is, or you can hold on to it” (63). In holding on, he states that you limit yourself and your mind — in simple terms. Although resolutions fit into the sentiment of moving forward, their motivations are irrevocably tied to holding onto the past; we make resolutions because we have deemed who we are at the turn of the New Year not quite good enough. This external motivator favors failure; when our goals are prompted by something outside of us, they are not rooted in our values or important enough to our inner self to be successful. New Year’s resolutions so often fail because they start from holding onto the past self.  Chopra notes that past experiences are fleeting; if we allow them to indirectly define our future, we cut ourselves off from free and natural development of ourselves and our lives. 

Now, you might be thinking that I am against making any resolutions and angry at the culture surrounding them. This is not completely true. I do think the rhetoric around resolutions — life-changing, immediately made at 12 AM on January 1st, driven by disappointment in who we are — is damaging. However, I think if we change the meaning of the word, using the new year to allow a new mindset can be hugely beneficial. The key word there is mindset. To alter how you think and look at the world, you need to let go of past burdens. Tying back to Chopra, allow those struggles and disillusions to be as fleeting as they are — choose to not have them impact yourself in this moment. Going from there, you do not need to change your mindset based on what you think you have been doing wrong. This might sound counterintuitive, but the point is to come from a position of growth rather than destruction and rebuilding. Let’s take the example of Abbastanza’s mission: improving our body image. Maybe you just want to be thinner, you are determined to download a dieting app and get to the gym — all in pursuit of looking “your best”. The problem with this are all aforementioned: the end goal is a huge change and the motivation is judging your current self. Instead, focus on growing your mindset; ask for self-acceptance and self-love in the New Year. Such can be carefully and gradually integrated and does not require you to abandon part of yourself. Thereby, you can acknowledge but take no responsibility towards your insecurity; it is of the past and that is okay. Daily acknowledgment of the insecurity, and the decision to counteract it, can lead to a shifted mindset and the personal growth you are searching for.