Changes

by Cristina D’Alto

How to Get Better at Handling Change 

I often feel that the one thing I have figured out is that I can’t stop change from happening. As much as one can try to stabilize life with routines and rules, the plot is driven by too many other actors and forces to gain true control. Interconnected lives constantly shift as each person acts on their own free will, based on unique ideals and visions for the future.  Even if I followed precise schedules, stuck stubbornly to decisions, and adhered to self-imposed limits, the choices of those around me would leave relationships, environments, and interactions ever-unpredictable. Below are some ideas for coping with change if you — like me — get thrown off by its frequent visits. 

1. Expose yourself to change in little ways 

Mixing up small things in your life can make the concept more comfortable: your route home, your breakfast, or what music you listen to in the morning. With welcoming and adjusting to these small changes, you foster a sense of trust in yourself to cope with change effectively. Additionally, you develop strong evidence that change is manageable and nothing of which to be so afraid. If you panic when things change, use this skill to take back power. 

2. Let your hope run wild

A common first instinct when faced with change is worrying about loss. Many of us know this is an easy rabbit hole to go down; why not channel that same energy into going crazy with what positive effects could lie ahead? Even if what you imagine isn’t totally realistic or likely, this is conducive to looking at change as an opportunity and shifting the scale towards hope in the future. For example, maybe you’re moving to a new place and are worried about losing all of your friends. Instead of letting yourself drown in fear of loneliness, imagine you meet a new friend who takes you on crazy adventures or experience a meet-cute with your soulmate rivaling a romcom. Anything is possible, after all. 

3. Switch from control to curiosity

An attempt to control or mitigate the magnitude of change underlies an inability to cope. As I mentioned, I truly believe change is inevitable — but this isn’t meant to be foreboding. Rather than building a dam that will inevitably crack, allow the change to flow through and bring what it will. Be curious about how it will happen, what the ripple effects will be, and how you will become better as a result. Not only is this calming, it helps you stay mindful. Limiting the change to the present moment shrinks down it’s perceived impact and allows you to focus your energy onto what is important right now. 

4. Remember the cause

All things, including the intangible (like behaviors) and the tangible (like where you live) were created by some set of circumstances. When change comes around, it may be helpful to understand why. If you can make sense of the causes, you can bring rationality to the situation in order to balance your emotions. Furthermore, you may find an appreciation for the role of this change in your life. I often find that the most difficult shake-ups were results of things that I would never choose to give up. All forces are balanced; on the other side of a painful change there must be important reasons.